I haven’t posted on this blog for the past few months because I’ve been going through a crisis of faith, if I can put it that way. I’ve been wondering if I’m really all that talented as a writer. Since I started The Grumpy Ferret one year ago (has it really been a year?), I’ve written over 40 posts about anything and everything. In some of my previous posts, I said that I felt writing was something I knew I could do innately. I felt validated by some of the positive responses given by readers. But something changed in the last three months. Maybe it’s the weather, or perhaps I’m feeling tired and dejected about my continuing hunt for meaningful full time employment (I landed a small part time teaching position in December that barely covers the monthly expenses). I’m two months into 2014; I’ve applied for 22 positions, and nothing has happened. I have the nagging feeling that somehow I’ve become redundant; my best years are behind me, and no one is really all that interested in hiring an experienced, well-educated, middle aged man. Never mind that I’m computer savvy, or that I’m totally comfortable blogging and using social media. Hey! I can Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, Pinterest, and Twitter with the best of them. But does anyone care? Really, does anyone care?
Maybe I’m wallowing in a mudpit of gloom, but when it comes to looking for full-time work, it really feels like there’s a giant wall of indifference out there.
Perhaps I’m not really very talented after all. There’s just so many people publishing and writing these days. Do I have anything meaningful to contribute? Is anyone really all that interested in what I have to say? There have been times in these past few months when I just don’t know. Some people tell me I should write short stories. One or two are certain I could write a successful fantasy series like Harry Potter (thanks for the thought, Mum). But it’s hard to focus on writing when the landlord is knocking on the door, asking for the rent, let alone keeping the lights on and the internet connection active. I need a stable income, hence the continuing job search. At this stage of life, I’d probably feel less anxious and more hopeful about my writing talents if I could spend my time focused on that and not have to worry about where the money is coming from. I’d love to have a benefactor or patron who could help me to devote more of my time to writing. Like any craft, it takes practice, practice, and more practice. It’s still early in the year. All I can do is try to be more disciplined and keep writing regularly.
If you know any wealthy benefactors who are looking to support an aspiring, earnest writer, please send them my way 🙂
The Grumpy Ferret (who maybe, just maybe, has a smidgen of talent)